Signs He Might Be Cheating, and What They Really Mean

How common is cheating?

Less common than worry can make it feel. Psychology Today, summarizing survey research, reports that about 20% of men and 13% of women say they have had sex with someone other than their spouse while married. Among ever-married adults under 30, the numbers are close: 11% of women and 10% of men. Most partners stay faithful, and cheating isn't only something men do, so the signs below apply to any partner.

What signs do relationship experts point to?

Psychologists describe a handful of changes that commonly worry people. They matter most when they keep happening, not as one-off moments.

• He consistently hides his interactions with one particular person.
• He deletes or hides texts, calls or social media posts involving that person.
• He gets overly defensive whenever you ask about them.
• He repeatedly puts someone else ahead of you.
• His behavior changes noticeably and he can't or won't explain why.
• He seems more irritable with you after he's been in touch with that person.
• He has stopped having deep conversations with you, or seems emotionally checked out during intimacy.

Does one sign mean he's cheating?

No. Every item on that list has ordinary explanations, from work stress to a surprise being planned to simply wanting more privacy. Psychology Today notes that one event may not be cause for alarm, but a pattern may be a concern. It also points out that people's definitions of cheating vary widely, so part of the problem can be that the two of you have never agreed on where the lines are.

Should you go through his phone?

It's a common impulse. In a Pew Research Center survey, 34% of partnered adults said they had looked through a partner's phone without them knowing. But going through someone's phone or accounts without permission damages trust, and the FTC warns that secretly installing stalkerware on another person's device can be illegal. It also rarely settles anything, because the argument tends to become about the snooping.

• Don't unlock, log in to or install anything on his devices.
• Write down the specific things you've noticed, with dates, so you can talk about facts and not just feelings.
• Stick to information that's already public.

Could he be on dating apps?

If you're worried he has an active dating profile, some profiles show up in public web results. CheaterExposer searches public results on Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, Badoo, MeetMe and Tagged, plus public profiles on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, Reddit, Pinterest and Threads. Each result links to its source and is rated confirmed, likely or possible.

It can't see private accounts, messages, deleted profiles or app activity, so finding nothing doesn't rule anything out. Finding something is a lead to verify, not proof he's cheating, since many profiles are old and forgotten.

How do you bring it up?

Pick a calm, private moment. Describe what you've noticed rather than accusing, and ask open questions. Psychology Today suggests approaching these conversations with curiosity and openness. If it's hard to talk on your own, Cleveland Clinic psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD, says couples counseling can give you a better space to ask your questions.

If you're afraid of how he might react, put your safety first. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 800-799-7233.