Why Do People Cheat? The Most Common Reasons

What reasons do people give for cheating?

Psychology Today, summarizing surveys of people who have cheated, says the most commonly cited reasons are:

1. Falling out of love with their partner.
2. Wanting variety.
3. Feeling neglected.
4. Situational factors, such as opportunity.
5. Wanting to feel better about themselves.
6. Anger at their partner.

Can people cheat when they're happy?

Yes. Psychology Today notes that cheating happens even in happy relationships, and that for the person straying it can feel exciting, like a sense of renewal. That's one reason finding out can be so confusing: an affair doesn't always mean the relationship was failing.

What relationship problems can lead to cheating?

Cleveland Clinic psychologist Chivonna Childs, PhD, says affairs usually begin when there's a lack of communication, when someone's needs aren't being met, or when the relationship has become so routine that they want an escape. Another Cleveland Clinic psychologist, Adam Borland, PsyD, says that over time couples often struggle with:

• Poor communication and listening.
• A lack of empathy.
• Unrealistic expectations of each other.
• Pressure from raising kids, money worries and differing values.

Cleveland Clinic also notes that infidelity is often a sign of another underlying problem, and that identifying it can help guide what happens next.

Is it the other partner's fault?

No. Problems in a relationship can explain why someone felt tempted, but cheating is still a choice. Psychology Today points out that people who cheat often blame their partner for their own infidelity. If you've been cheated on, you can look honestly at what was missing without taking the blame for someone else's decision.

Why do most people stay faithful?

Most partners never cheat. In one survey Psychology Today cites, the top reason people stayed faithful was being satisfied in their relationship. The second was knowing they'd feel guilty, and the third was fear that their partner would cheat in return.

Will someone who cheated do it again?

Not necessarily. A past affair doesn't always predict the future, but Psychology Today reports that people who cheated in a previous relationship were three times more likely to stray in a later one than people who hadn't.

What should you do if you think it's happening?

• Note the specific changes you've seen, rather than relying on a general feeling.
• Talk calmly about what you've noticed and what you need.
• Consider a couples counselor, especially if the same problems keep coming back.
• If you're worried about a dating profile, CheaterExposer checks public dating and social profiles. A result is a lead to verify, not proof.

If you're afraid of how your partner might react, put your safety first. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 800-799-7233.