How to Get Over Being Cheated On

Updated November 4, 2026

Getting over being cheated on usually means grieving a loss, whether or not you stay together. Expect shock, anger, sadness and second-guessing, often out of order. What helps most is time, steady self-care, leaning on friends and family, and talking to a therapist. Make big decisions, like leaving or staying, once the first shock has passed rather than in the moment.

Why does being cheated on hurt so much?

Because it breaks the trust a relationship rests on. Cleveland Clinic notes that infidelity, including emotional affairs, can cause anxiety, trauma, shame and conflict. Clinical psychologist Adam Borland, PsyD, adds that the grief after a relationship ends has a lot in common with grief after a death, and that infidelity can make feelings like betrayal and resentment worse.

What emotions should you expect?

Dr. Borland describes five stages of grief after a breakup. They can come in any order, overlap, or return when you think you've moved on.

Denial: shock, disbelief, trouble sleeping, or hoping it isn't real.
Anger: betrayal, hurt, frustration and resentment.
Bargaining: "if only I'd done this differently" thoughts.
Depression: sadness, low motivation, and changes in sleep or appetite.
Acceptance: still feeling the loss, but moving forward and looking after yourself.

If you catch yourself in the bargaining stage, remember that cheating was the other person's choice. Psychology Today notes that people who cheat often blame their partner for it.

What actually helps you heal?

Acceptance doesn't arrive just because time passes. Dr. Borland points to steady work on a few things:

Looking after your physical and mental health.
Leaning on friends and family instead of withdrawing.
Spending time on hobbies that absorb and engage you.
Talking to a therapist who can help you work through it.
Not leaning on alcohol or drugs to numb the feelings.

It can also help to limit how often you look at your partner's, or the other person's, social media. Checking up is common: Pew Research Center found 53% of social media users have used it to check on a former partner. But each look can reopen the wound.

Should you stay or leave?

There's no single right answer. Cleveland Clinic notes that some couples work on things in therapy and others end the relationship straight away, and advises making healthy choices rather than simply reacting in the moment. Psychology Today says the decision often depends on practical ties like finances, family and shared parenting of young children, and that the views of friends and family strongly influence whether couples stay together.

If you decide to try again, rebuilding trust takes work from both of you, and a couples counselor can help.

How long does it take to get over being cheated on?

There's no set timeline. Dr. Borland says there's no expectation of how long grieving should take, as long as you keep pointing yourself toward self-care. Some sadness can linger even after you've moved on, and that's normal.

When should you get extra support?

If you're struggling to move on, see a trained mental health provider.
If you're in emotional distress, you can call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, free and 24/7.
If you're afraid of your partner, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 800-799-7233.

Frequently asked questions

How do you stop thinking about being cheated on?

Intrusive thoughts are normal early on. Looking after yourself, leaning on friends, staying busy with absorbing hobbies, limiting how often you check social media and talking to a therapist can all help them fade over time.

Is it my fault my partner cheated?

No. Relationship problems can play a part, but cheating is the cheater's choice. People who cheat often blame their partner for it.

Can you ever fully trust someone who cheated?

Some couples do rebuild trust, usually with honesty, clear boundaries and often counseling. It takes time and effort from both partners, and it isn't guaranteed.

How long does it take to heal after infidelity?

There's no set timeline. Grief after a betrayal comes in stages that can overlap and repeat, and it moves at a different pace for everyone.